starksexual:

i was at the bus stop with my sister the other day and for no apparent reason, she says: ‘dude, there are more dead people in the world than living people’ and the woman standing beside me whispered ‘holy shit’ and i fucking lost it

peevesies:

i went down to the middle school today for relay for life and i saw my old social studies teacher i had a crush on (don’t talk to me) and he was like “hey how are you i haven’t seen you in ages?” and the first thing i blurted out was “I JUST TURNED 18” and jesus christ if that’s not the thirstiest thing i’ve said in my whole life

tears-in-the-tardis:

sometimes my mood is ‘beyonce’

but other times its ‘white person in an infomercial’

peregr1ne:

my mom is trying to pick a colour for her new wheelchair and me and my dad are telling her to get black and she’s just like “but how will I know if someone is stealing it” and my dad is just like “because you’ll be sitting on the floor” and she slapped him

superlockedintardis:

noo00oo00oo00oo:

noo00oo00oo00oo:

the power button looks like sex i mean look at it

there is a long straight thing going inside a circle

omg it lookS LIKE THAT BECAUSE

IT TURNS

THINGS

ON

#DONE

thecolorplaid:

I would:

• Masturbate.
• Hug a girl to see if it’s true that they can feel their boobs.
• Walk around the house naked.
• Pee behind a building.
• Ask someone to kick me in the balls to see how painful some boys say it hurts.
• Yell at girls at the mall saying, “CAN I HOLLA FOR A DOLLA?”
• Stare at my penis. 
• Get a blowjob.

you seem to think that getting a blowjob is easy

it is not

(Source: emikattt)

they-call-me-wonder-woman:

h0odrich:

It’s mad depressing when u eat the last piece of candy but you didn’t look at the bag and realize it was the last one so you could truly appreciate it for what it was worth

This speaks to me on a deep emotional level.

dean-tacos-cas:

spookapple:

jackvessalius:

look what we have here

i have legitimately never laughed harder and for as long in my entire life